Sunday, July 19, 2009

Lower points...

I'm feeling a little quieter tonight than usual--it's been an interesting weekend, to say the least.
Out on the town...
Last night was Lacey's bachelorette party here in SF. It was a blasty-blast. A dozen girls I haven't had time to see in months got together at the bride's townhouse and then jumped aboard a party bus for a bar tour.
I'll be honest--I had been dreading that party for some time. I love those girls to death, but I've been so tired and stressed financially (thanks to that Taurus) and simply didn't want one more thing I had to be at. But I'm glad I was. I suppose I can sleep when I'm dead.
Back in action...?
The job situation is also looking pretty hairy. I love the one I'm at now, but it's just a temporary thing. My old station lifted its hiring freeze on Wednesday and has two openings--one full and one part-time.
Surprisingly, the position closes this week and my old boss didn't even bother to tell me about it. Fortunately, a friend in the business had the foresight to email me when the postings hit the broadcaster association's website.
I quickly put together an application packet Thursday night; by the time Friday morning rolled around, I just needed to finalize my references. That meant I had to ask the guys at work to vouch for me, and to let them know I might be leaving sooner than planned.
Thankfully, they were flattered that I wanted to use them as references and even kicked me out of the office that morning so I could apply sooner rather than later. Those two are the things I'll miss most about that job, whenever it is I get to leave.
The fact that the news director didn't let me know about the openings makes me nervous. Such a short opening means the company already knows who they want, but I have a terrible feeling that person isn't me.
I've got the blues...
Maybe it's the tired, but it's the fact that for some reason it seems like all my well-intentioned plans are falling through--regardless, I'm feeling blue tonight. The dating thing still isn't looking any better. Earlier this week, I had a few prospects, but they seemed to have lost interest. Already. Story of my life.
Something has to work eventually, but in the meantime, I'm feeling pretty lonely and like a failure. My career is something I've prided myself on for awhile now, and it's hanging out in some low places. I thought that I might feel better if I improved other parts of my life--like the romance side--but now I'm just feeling worse than I was before.

Sunday, July 12, 2009

Midnight Musings

One of the great writers in recorded history, who shall remain nameless due to my selective memory, once said he had his greatest moments of creative clarity in the middle of the night. I hope another old saying about great minds thinking alike is true in this case.
It's nearly 1 a.m. on a clear Sunday morning. I'm sitting out on my balcony, drinking alone and thinking about the events my life has produced for me this week. I'll be honest, with each new day this past work week, both the very good and the very bad have come into being.
Day 1...
Wednesday was the start of this streak of extremes. My morning consisted entirely of walking around Downtown Sioux Falls because our office was in the dark. Apparently a transformer on the block had blown, so everyone connected to it lost power for about four hours.
After work ended at 5 p.m., I drove to Madison to have dinner with Alison for the first time in six months. Al is one of my best friends, arguably my closest ally in the world of media, and she spent our last semester in India. The evening was wonderful--aside from the struggle to remember everything the other had missed, you wouldn't ever have known we had been in separate hemispheres for half a year.
My midnight arrival home shifted my mood an entire 180 degrees. All it took was a simple text from my 18-year-old sister announcing her engagement to her boyfriend. The two words, sent in such an impersonal fashion, had the ability to keep me up for hours, just thinking about how much harder her life would be than it should have been. Did I mention that they're moving to Idaho next month?
Day 2...
For the most part, Thursday was much better than Wednesday. Work was fun, and powered fully, and I made my amazing stir fry for dinner. Caiti and I had our weekly date night at a local Irish bar, but this relaxing evening also took a dramatic turn for the worse.
Our friend Sara's grandmother had to be airlifted to a hospital in town because of respiratory failure. We spent a couple hours with her and her family, just waiting in the ICU. Her grandmother died late in the night.
Day 3...
Friday ... finally. I wasn't sure what else could happen to me, but I couldn't shake the feeling that more was yet to come. I stayed at my desk most of the day editing photos, too scared that I would get into a car accident or take part in some other potentially fatal disaster.
Nothing really happened that day directly to me, but we did find out that the caterer Julie had hired for her wedding was very wrong in her quoted price for the wedding, and one of the ushers had gotten a job on the East Coast and couldn't be part of their celebration anymore.
That is, nothing bad happened to me until Friday evening. For some reason, I sort of asked out a friend, although I didn't realize what I was doing until it was too late. Then, when I did figure out what I had done, I freaked. My girlfriends know I've had a bit of a crush on this guy for a long time, but I really had no intentions of acting on my feelings, at least not consciously. Long story short, he said no, but it was a vague no, saying he hated the actor in the movie I suggested.
Day 4...
I thought the whole movie thing was the end of my string of bad luck, the straw that broke the camel's back, so to speak. I really am getting tired of being wrong.
There are absolute good things to today, but they come attached to the bad. For example, I got a haircut for the first time since the end of March, but on the way home the oil pan in my Taurus blew, earning me a $500 car bill. It all started with my transmission; I am understandably nervous when my transmission does anything out of the ordinary, considering it's been rebuilt three times. On my way to the hair appointment, it slipped, out of drive into neutral. I jiggled the stick a bit, got it back into gear, and immediately called my dad to see if the warranty on the last rebuild had expired. It had, and he told me to go to a shop ASAP. If it weren't for my worry about that little problem, I would never have gotten the Tortoise to a shop before all the oil drained.
Just sure that my bad luck had reached a pinnacle, I suggested a different movie to this boy, knowing exactly what I was doing this time. I had been rejected once, and I needed to try and redeem myself. Apparently he had already a promised to see it with a mutual friend. All great excuses masking a deeper desire to not go with me. I do have to admit, he did well with sparing my feelings in a casual way. Whatever, I tried, and I still went to the movie anyway, with Caiti as a companion instead.
Making strides...
It is an understatement to say that my recent attempts to jump back into the dating world have been unsuccessful. However, the fact is that this week I made more of an effort to date than I have in the past year and a half. I am trying, no one can deny me that much. As much as it sucks to get shot down, I have to make myself keep trying. I have to remind myself that things in this world that are the most worth having require the most work. So, okay--I'm not supposed to date this boy or either of the firefighters I met. At some point, one of these boys I want will be the one I'm supposed to have. Until then, I just have to keep a positive attitude and know that eventually, my luck will improve--it has to.

Monday, July 6, 2009

It's July Already?

I used to be so much better about keeping this thing current ... my apologies. Lots of things keep me away, but not as many as I'd like to use as an excuse, but I digress...
What do I do?
I like this job a lot. Things on my schedule have started to pick up considerably, and the guys keep taking me along on the really cool assignments. For example, a couple weeks ago I got paid to spend an afternoon canoeing down the Big Sioux taking photos for the city's archives. Next week I may or may not get to climb to the top of a 24-story water tower with one of the two producers. It sounds like my fear of heights and whether or not it gets the best of me will be the deciding factor.
I'm still somewhat bored, though. As much as I enjoy what I do and the really relaxed pace, I ache for the insanity of a newsroom, the pressure of an immediate deadline. I miss getting to edit video, to put a whole story together from start to finish.
I do like that this summer has really given me the opportunity to sharpen both my photography and videography skills. I've received lots and lots of complements on my still photos, which is definitely encouraging considering my very minimal experience with professional photography. I've gotten to try a lot of new angles with the video camera, too. Occasionally I go too far. I spent one morning filming kids playing in McKennan Park. I took the camera down a slide, an idea that worked well. I attempted to translate the same idea to the swings; all I accomplished was to create a surefire way to make myself nauseous.
We're HOW far into summer?
I'm having a hard time wrapping my mind around the absence of June. Where the hell did that month go? Writing a new rent check was a sad slap in the face from reality. I waste a lot of time working or pseudo-unpacking. I'm sooooo close to being done, just not quite close enough. There are still a few boxes in my room, my PC is in a tote in the coat closet, and I have junk scattered everywhere in my quarters. I'll get to it--that's part of this weekend's project.
I have yet to use the pool at the apartment complex. The one weekend I had time (and plans) to go for a dip, it rained and rained and rained. Swimming is also part of the plan for this weekend. The Farmer's Market is also part of Saturday morning's plans, although we'll see if I get up early enough for some fresh produce. There are about a million other things I'd like to do this weekend, like visit KDLT, but those are even less likely to happen.
I did WHAT again?
Oh, how even I have to shake my head at this one. I can't count how many times I've sworn I would never be set up on again, how often I've told myself that I wouldn't let myself get into such an awkward again. I can't even keep a promise to myself.
The worst part is, I actually asked to be set up this time. Of course, if I'm requesting an evening of uncomfortable silences and standard chit chat, I'm not going alone. I dragged Caiti along.
One of the producers happens to create a show about the city's fire department each month, usually making a major fire the central focus. Well, there haven't even been any moderate fires in months, so he's been struggling to find a theme for each show. I suggested that the next show should have a game show format, with me dating all the single firefighters. He said no, but offered to set me up with one instead. I jumped at the chance, so long as he found one for Caits too.
After about a week of random, but positive feedback from a group of single civil servants, we met up with a couple of them last week. We had fun--they were very nice, friendly young men, but sadly, no information was exchanged, so it's highly unlikely we'll meet up with them again. At least not intentionally. I guess no one felt a connection, and it's probably better that no one tried to force the issue.
At the very least, we did meet some new people and put ourselves out there (or, I put ourselves out there, however you want to look at things). And I survived a set up without wanting to strangle the person who conducted the whole orchestration. I'm progressing both as a person and as a single white female. However, I would like to go out on at least one real date soon. I have no idea where this idea came from, but apparently it's not going to go away until I fulfill my heart's apparent desire. If only I remembered where to pick up decent guys and what to do with them once I've got them hooked. I haven't flirted intentionally in about as long since I actually went fishing.