The Year Without a Christmas

Oh, the joys of living in South Dakota. Up until two weeks ago, I was at peace with the idea of missing Christmas with my family this year. Then the boss man gave me Dec. 23 and 24 off, and I experienced one of many holiday miracles this year. Until Snowmaggedon 2009 came into the picture.

Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow...

It seems few in my state will get to have their families with them for the holiday. A storm is moving into the Midwest that the National Weather Service is describing as "once in a quarter century". The weather guys are predicting at least a foot of snow in Sioux Falls, with 18 inches possible.

All that fluffy stuff isn't even here yet, and travel is nearly impossible already. After making myself literally sick trying to decide whether or not to try and go home anyway. Getting there wasn't going to be a problem, it was the getting back on Friday in time to anchor (and produce) the 5 p.m. news.

I decided to try, but after text arguments with coworkers on the way and the realization that my plan was completely unfeasible, I had a panic attack in the car near Chamberlain and was in tears when I walked into my parents' front door last night.

During the last 10 miles of my drive, I decided I would stay in Winner overnight, and then come back to Sioux Falls this morning. We had a mini-Christmas last night, and I still got the joy of watching almost everyone open their gifts. Surprisingly, I was okay with having to leave and miss actual Christmas when I woke up this morning. I guess I just needed time with my family, even if it was just for 12 hours.

Future Problems

Before I left, we had tentatively planned on me coming back to Winner Saturday night (since I have Sunday and Monday off) to have a late Christmas, ideally with Julie and Mike. But, the storm warnings have been extended into Sunday morning now, so that plan is probably a no go as well.

Just getting to work has me concerned. We had about 6 inches of snow a couple weeks ago, and my Kia Spectra drove like a Mario Kart on non-plowed streets. With the possibility of more than 12 inches on the roads, I have worries for Friday ... and Saturday. Reporting will be a huge problem; getting sound will likely be impossible. We'll have to get some video, and all the shows will likely be all about the weather, but it'll be rough getting enough of the video.

Cabin Fever Sets In

None of my own work worries come into play until Friday morning. Until then, I'm trapped in my apartment ... by myself. I'm pretty bored already. I have the first season of friends, and projects I can work on, more than anything, I don't like that staying in isn't my choice. Boo.

We're how far into November?

Today someone at work exclaimed that he couldn't believe it would be December 1 in a week. That means I will have my three month anniversary with my news station in one week. ... and my four month anniversary with the boyfriend the same day. It's a bit of a milestone.

Issues, issues...

I did make it in to see a doctor after spending that fateful Saturday in bed, convinced I was dying. It took my doctor just a few minutes to diagnose a stomach ulcer, most likely caused by a bacterial infection. I was promptly prescribed two different antibiotics and something described as "Super Prilosec".

In the meantime, I've finished off the prescriptions (which made me quite nauseous for 8 days) and am almost done with the acid reducer. I'm not entirely sure my stomach has healed, but I need it to. The doctor said if these pills didn't do the trick, then my ulcer wasn't caused by a bacterial infection. If that's the case, I have to have an endoscopy, and I don't really think I can afford that right now. Not even with the three days worth of holiday pay.

Some of ulcer side-effects haven't gone away yet, either. I still get dizzy on a daily basis, and I've been battling some serious migraines. I had one so bad last night the boy thought initially I might have had meningitis. Luckily, that was a misdiagnosis.

I need this stomach thing to go away ... soon. I have had a lot of difficulty focusing at work, and I accomplish practically nothing when I get home from work because I'm so tired and have stomach pain. A prime example is my Christmas tree--it took me two days to decorate it because I had to go to bed last night with a migraine. Fail.

Holiday Heartache

In just two days, I will reach another milestone--my first Thanksgiving away from home. Granted, my family will be here, so it's not like I won't see them. That big day will be Christmas. I'm excited about anchoring, but I can already tell I'll be a little homesick and blue. The boy will be hours away the whole weekend with his family, so I'm already a little down about not seeing him until the end of next week.

I'm also a little blue about working nine days in a row because of the holiday shake up. Of course, I did just get four out of the last five days off, but still, it's hard to keep my chin up knowing how high the wall I'm scaling will be. I'll get through it--four of those nine days are the equivalent to weekend shifts, which are rather relaxing--but, it's a tough idea to wrap my head around.

If I'm already this blue about Thanksgiving, I can't imagine how I'll be at Christmas. I won't see any of my family on the big day, and I definitely won't see the boyfriend. And the roommate is going to see her family right around then, so I will most likely be flying solo that day/weekend. I'm not trying to be downer about work--I'm just crabby. I think it's this headache I've got again tonight. It's not quite as bad as last night's, but it is very reminiscent. I just keep hoping that one of these days, I'll wake up and feel healthy and whole again.

On the job...

I also want to wake up and feel good about myself as a reporter. I just keep failing at different things at work. As soon as I correct one mistake and feel good about my progress, it is brought to my attention that something else needs my care and attention. I just need one story (preferably two) where everything just comes together and I get it all right. And I need someone to notice and say something. Not that I'm shallow enough to need compliments, but I need something to bring my self-confidence back. Maybe I am that shallow :)

I love my job, I really do, but there are always going to be days I don't like. That's what I told a friend tonight who called because he applied for an open reporter position with my station. I was honest with him about some of the things he wouldn't like, but I gushed about the things he would love. He deserved a real look at what he might be getting into, and luckily I don't think I scared him away.

Tomorrow is day two of the nine in a row. I will be finished both parts of my sweeps series about holiday toys, and I may have another package to put together on top of that. I've been promised a photographer to help me edit both sweeps packages, and if I can have him for the other story, I know I can pull it off. It just might be a longer day than usual is all. It will all get done though :)

Yay for Improvements!

Things have gotten much better at the station since my last post, as well as in my life-in-general...

Work, work, work...

My writing has much improved since that moment of embarrassment we last spoke of. I've made it a point to go out of my way to give my stories that little something extra (whether or not I've wanted to), and the extra effort does show up in my work. One of my stories about the H1N1 flu the week after I last wrote was requested for use by the national network. Who knows if any of the other affiliates actually used it, but it's nice to know it was wanted by someone.

The sad part about that whole newsroom shaming is that I should've been putting forth this much effort the whole time. It shouldn't have taken a chewing-out to light a fire under me. I guess we all need something to motivate us, I guess; it just sucks that this is what I need.

I found out this week that I won't get any of the major holidays--Thanksgiving, Christmas, or New Years--off this year, but I will get to do some more anchoring for them. I guess it's bittersweet because I'm flattered that myself and the weekend anchor will be splitting the shows, but it's also sad because I will be missing those days with Tessa. I know she probably won't remember this year when she's 11 or 12, but she'll remember that I wasn't there for awhile, anyway.

I'm going home for my own version of Thanksgiving break next week, but who knows when I'll get to do my own Christmas. News Years I'm not as concerned about since I've never really done anything to celebrate it before. On the bright side, three days of holiday pay will help pay for those extra expenses that come up.

Too Soon for Christmas?

As usual, these few weeks between Halloween and Thanksgiving give me some level of stress, just in trying to decide when it's okay to start decorating for Christmas, to switch to the Christmas ringtone, etc. When I go home next week, I plan to pick up my tree and bring it back to Sioux Falls. How long do I let it stay in the box before I put it up? How soon do we need to get our Christmas card picture taken? When is it okay to start Christmas shopping? So many questions...

Tummy Aches

Today is a sick day. I've been battling some tummy troubles for the past couple weeks, but when I woke up this morning, the pain was at it's worst. I was dealing with a mix of nausea and sharp, stabby pains in my abdomen. After laying awake for a couple hours, I finally decided to call in sick to work. Luckily, today is football playoffs, so the anchor didn't need a whole lot of time devoted to news, but I still feel like I left her high and dry, without a lead story.

Research leads toward the diagnosis of a stomach ulcer, but I'm just not sure if I'm ready to go out of denial yet. At least, I wasn't sure until I woke up today. Now I've decided I'm going to try and see a doctor while I'm home on Thursday. Who knows what he'll have to say--it's probably nothing , and I'm wasting money on an office call, but at least I'll have the peace of mind in knowing it's nothing but a crazy digestive system.

Looking ahead...

The next few weeks look to be rather uneventful, aside from my trip home next week and a possible visit from my family for Thanksgiving. The idea of everyone coming to Sioux Falls and going out to dinner is still on the table, but I think it'll all depend on which shows I have to anchor since Dad has to be back in Winner to open the store the next day for Black Friday. It'd be nice to see them all, but who knows what that week will bring.

Frustrations, frustrations...

I have writer's block ... sort of. It only seems to happen when I'm at work, crunched for time. And it's not so much writer's block--I always get a script pounded out and a package put together--as it is writing well.

Job Fail

I'm not the only one who's noticing my mediocre reporting. The male anchor was not pleased with my writing at all today. Even though we both knew I was crunched for time, he felt that today was a good day to get on me about it.

I won't make excuses or try and win over any sympathy by telling you what I did with the rest of my day, but I will say it all came down to time. I knew what my deadline was, and after getting my package assignment at 1 p.m., I knew what I had time for. I knew getting just one interview was lazy and made for a boring story, but I made the decision that a boring story done on time was better than not having my story done.

Of course I cringed a little when he called me back to his desk to go over my script, and I knew everything he had to say about it was right. The writing was shoddy and having just the one interview really did make for boring television.

It was hard to listen to because I knew the whole time I wasn't giving the station my best work. I didn't put up any argument at all. I felt so bad about what I did--not so much what he said--that I just wanted to crumple up at my desk in tears, but alas, I had to go live at 5 from the studio in 45 minutes and have the package done by 6.

Now what?

It all got done and looked fine, but just fine. My stomach hurt the whole time I was editing because I knew what I was creating was crap. Filler. Basic. And I'm better than that! Or, at least, I used to be. I think. Maybe I've always been this bad, but people were impressed because even this bad was impressive for a student reporter.

I couldn't even watch the news when I got home from work. I didn't even watch a single thing on my station in case I accidentally caught one of the updates. I normally love watching our show, but today I just couldn't do it.

Bad Feelings

I still feel awful. I know I've been doing so poorly the past few weeks, and it kills me that I keep disappointing the people I look up to. Both anchors have tons of news experience, and are very, very, very good at their jobs. I know at some point they were beginners too, but I have a hard time believing they were ever this bad.

I'm not entirely sure how to get better. I thought I was following the tips the anchor sent me last week for writing memorable stories, but apparently I'm not. I want to get better, I can't even explain how badly I want to improve, but I don't know how. I know who I can ask--the anchors or our news director--but by the time they come into work, it's already crunch time, and when all my work is finished, they're in the middle in the show and I have to get out of there before I go over hours for the day.

Keep Trying

I still have my old books from advanced reporting; I think I'll start there. I know Paul has a DVD with regional Emmy winners' stories--I'm going to ask to borrow it so I can improve my editing and writing.

I just want to get something right in the coming weeks. Well, not so much to just get it right, but to have someone tell me I got it right. Because, honestly, some of the things I thought I was doing right, I'm questioning at this point. A little positive reinforcement certainly wouldn't hurt anything right now, but I have to earn it.

TGIF

Thank goodness today was my Friday. I'm not sure I could show my face there again tomorrow. Paychecks come in tomorrow, but I'm going to wait until I go back to work on Saturday to get mine. No amount of money could get me to go to the station tomorrow.

I'm going to Vermillion tomorrow evening to spend a few days with Lawyer Boy. I really need to out of this town for a little while and just escape. It's hard to believe it's only six weeks into my career, and I've already hit a brick wall.

I guess if worse comes to worse, I can always email my old advisor for help, but I'm not quite sure I'm ready to swallow my pride yet...

Summer Pictures!

Here are a few photos from the summer that was ... as always, a little late, but better than never. Ribfest--Sioux Falls in May

Lacey's girls--Brookings in August

Dancing at Club David--August

Lacey's Bachelorette--Sioux Falls in July

The Mann family--Winner in August

Julie and her maids--Winner in August

Julie and Mike making it legal

Audrey made it to Winner!

Sleep Is Over Rated

Oh, how I miss my bed. The past few weeks have been wonderfully challenging, but I'm ready to get back into a regular routine.

Stay up late, wake up early...

I haven't been back in the business for long, but boy am I getting a wide array of experience. Normally, I work Saturday-Wednesday during the day. But, with people taking vacation time before sweeps starts up again, I've spent some time behind the anchor desk.

A few weeks ago, I filled in for the weekend anchor/producer, and I will do that again this weekend. This week, I filled in for the morning anchor/producer for three days. I had a blast with the morning show. I've always wanted to anchor a morning show, and it was nice to know that I still want to reach that goal.

I will admit, I'm exhausted. Work begins on the morning show dark and early, at 2 a.m., which means I should've been going to bed around 5 p.m. each night. Needless to say, that didn't happen any night. Naps have been an essential part of my life this week.

As much fun as I've had anchoring, I must say, I love producing. It's like putting together a puzzle--such fun! I'll be sad to be done with the new responsibilities, but I am looking forward to having a normal schedule/life again.

Sweeps is coming up, and until yesterday, I was struggling to come up with story ideas. I now have two to pitch, and I'm looking forward to the challenge. Sort of--the whole idea of putting together such a complex piece(s) is rather daunting.

Life with a boy...

Things with Lawyer Boy are great. I really couldn't be happier with how our relationship is going, and I'm going to continue to hope I don't screw anything up. The next few weeks will be a test for us, as he has midterms and big projects due, and I tend to get obnoxious ... Hopefully, I can be the sweet, patient girlfriend he'll need me to be. We shall see...

Missing old things...

Hearing my sister and boyfriend complain about homework and midterms has me missing the college life. Don't get me wrong--I am thoroughly enjoying life in Sioux Falls and having my career. But, certain things can't be replaced, like the smell of Coughlin Stadium before football games, naps after class, midweek Morgans at Jim's Tap, and the buildup to Hobo Day.

Sadly, I won't get to attend a Jackrabbit's favorite holiday this year, even though I live a mere 55 miles away. We don't have a Monday-Friday reporter, so switching days to get the weekend off is nearly impossible for me. Plus, I'm trying to stick to the schedule for now as part of my master plan to earn Christmas off.

Career Hiccups

I've been back in the news game for a week and a half, and I couldn't be happier about today being Friday (well, my Friday). Okay, I might be slightly happier if my Friday was real Friday, but I'll take what I can get.

Starting over...

My reintroduction to TV news started out fairly smoothly, but has recently become insanely stressful. Initially, the powers that be took things fairly easy on me. My first story was cake--fire safety training at a local college.

This week was not so fun, however. Monday was the first 5 o'clock show ever at our station. Great--how many stations are actually growing in this economy?--but planning/editing/production has been absolutely insane. For people specializing in communications, we're not doing a very good job of communicating with each other.

I hate complaining about this because I am very grateful to have a job in my field and to be living the dream, but it is very frustrating to be relearning a job in an environment that expects me to be as good as I was nine months ago.

To say the least, I am just very relieved to have a few days off from the business. I need some time to regroup and fall back in love with the job. For the most part, I have been able to sort of pick up where I left off in December.

Auto Update

Still loving the Kia. The boy isn't real impressed my driving ability since discovering I have already cracked the plastic skid plate on a piece of wood in the road. He was relieved to learn he didn't let me buy it broken, but let's just say he wasn't thrilled by my skills.

I've only filled up the tank once, and I'm not all that sure the gas mileage is all it's cracked up to be. I'm hoping my suspicions about a broken gas gauge are correct and that this is truly more economical. We shall see.

Nerves...

Tomorrow is the first day of the rest of my career. Needless to say, I'm quite nervous. It seems things are quite chaotic at the station, and with a new newscast starting up next week, I can't imagine settling into a normal routine anytime soon.

Why am I so scared?

It's not like I've never done this before. I spent all of last summer pumping out packages like nobody's business, and I still managed to be an story-writing machine two days a week last fall.

I just haven't done this in nine whole months, and I'm worried the higher ups will expect me to be as good as I was in December. I was hoping my first day would be a sort of reorientation, that I could follow another reporter around and relearn the routine. It doesn't sound like I'll be afforded that luxury.

Tonight I need to sit down and come up with three decent (and easier) story ideas. I also need to press my dress clothes so I'm ready for the whole week. My schedule this week is a little crazy. I work Monday and Tuesday, have Wednesday and Thursday off, and then work all weekend. I have a feeling I'll need to have Wednesday off just to recover from my first two days back in the business.

Mission Accomplished

I was able to accomplish one huge thing during my weekend of technical unemployment. I bought a new car and bid adieu to the Taurus. The boy I've been seeing spent part of the weekend in Sioux Falls (he does not live in town) and was a great asset in the car hunt.

After I finished work with the city Friday evening, he joined me on a few test drives.

I had actually been considering getting a newer Taurus, but the two we tried out were awful. Just awful. The first was silver (boring) and the interior was shot. The leather was beat up, the paneling was peeling up on the doors, and it didn't actually have a sunroof even though the website said it did.

At first I said the interior's condition wasn't a deal breaker as long as it ran well, but it did not. The engine was horrendously loud and the transmission had serious issues. Twice it made a sickening thud and seemed to have something similar to a seizure.

The second Taurus was gold and Flex Fuel and appeared to be in beautiful condition. At first it even seemed to run like a dream, until I tried to brake at the first stoplight we came to. The rotors, it turns out, had been stripped and were now grinding on each other. I almost didn't get the car stopped. So, we took that vehicle on a very short test drive--around the block--and returned it to the deal with a few choice words about both vehicles.

The boy didn't seem very fazed by the lack of success on Friday. He said I shouldn't have been surprised by the condition of the Tauri--the dealership they were at is called Cheap Cars. He seemed to be much more optimistic about the whole thing than I was at that point, and he took me out for a very nice date to cheer me up (more to come on that later).

Saturday afternoon, things took a turn for the better. We were sitting at lunch looking online at a Ford Focus I had found in Tea. We decided we liked it enough to run a CarFax on it (they needed to be rationed as I was running out of them), and sadly discovered it was a salvage. I then remembered a dealership near my apartment had a Kia Spectra that was always on my list of possibilities, but everyone in the inner circle suggested I go after different vehicles.

We then ran a CarFax on the Kia and found no flaws. He then took the computer and did some serious research on the Kia. Literally, the worst problem he found with the cars is that people noticed the paint faded quickly. Definitely not a deal breaker.

Long story short, I bought the Kia. He was amazing with the dealer. A very cool cucumber. And, the Taurus stayed behind as a trade in. I had warned him in advance that I might cry when I parted ways with the first car I ever bought all by myself, but fortunately I held myself together a little better than I had anticipated.

So far so good...

Things with the boy are going very, very well. After I dragged the poor guy to car lots on Friday afternoon and then to Wal-Mart to pick up pictures I had ordered, he still wanted to go out on a nice date. We hung out at the apartment for a little while, waiting for the dinner rush to wrap up, and then went to the Lob for a nice meal.

After we finished eating, we went to a movie. I think he really wanted to see Inglorious Basterds, as did I, but I was torn between that and The Time Traveler's Wife, and he decided we would see that. Great chick flick--he was a real trooper for sitting through it. He did admit it was better than he thought it would be because of the sci-fi aspect.

That was about as adventurous as we got, though. After a long last week with the city and his first week back at law school, we were both pretty exhausted and went to bed fairly early for a Friday night. I guess we're getting old.

I really like this boy. I hope things work out--I'm becoming very attached. Nothing is official (as far as I know), but I'm certainly not feeling the need or want to date other boys. I'm very content with what I have for now. I just wish he lived in Sioux Falls. Oh well--no one gets everything they want.

On the Up and Up

Oh, how time can make everything better! In the month I've been absent from the blogosphere, much has happened. Where should I start?

Career woman again...

A little more than three months after graduation, I officially have my first career job. Over my lunch break today, I signed my first contract. For the next year, I am committed to work as a full-time reporter/photographer for the NBC affiliate in the city I already live in. The best part? I'll be back at the station I used to work at, with most of the team I that was there when I left in December.

Sadly, some thing will be changing soon. The news director is leaving to be closer to his family, so there will be a new boss shortly after I start, and new staff will be added to fulfill his other duties. I don't have the ideal schedule, but that's to be expected, being the rookie and all.

I can't even express my relief at finding a permanent job. If you've been reading this even half-assed, you have a taste of my frustration and doubt. The core of my self-confidence is still in tact, and, at least at this point, I don't have to reevaluate who I am and what my purpose is.

In perspective....

I am also very humbled by finding work so soon. Well, soon for the class of 2009. No one expected media to have job openings until winter. I felt even more fortunate after reading an article about my classmates on CNN.com this afternoon. They interviewed 10 graduates, and all of the communications majors were either looking for work in the field or had settled on something outside of their dreams. I'm just so happy I didn't decide to give up.

The Taurtoise...

So, my car isn't one of those bright spots I was alluding to, but there may be a silver lining. Shortly after I disappeared from the face of the earth, my car decided to have a meltdown and completely kick the oil pan off of the car. $500 later in car bills, and I'm spending way more time at The Lob than I meant to this summer just to pay the stupid thing off.

The good news is that I may have found a replacement. I'm sitting on my hands right now, waiting for the guy to get ancy to sell it so he'll pounce on my low-ball offer. It's a real pretty navy blue Ford Focus, it's near my price range (my offer certainly is), and I love it. But not enough to compromise on my offer. We shall see how this one goes.

My love life...

Things are even looking up in this department. I've been out a couple times with a guy that shall remain nameless, and I think I really like him. I've been out with a couple others guys as well that don't even compare. I went to the fair with one this weekend, and the whole time, I kept comparing him to the one I actually like.

It's very weird. I really like this guy, but I can't shake this feeling that something bad will happen to screw it up. Like, me being me, for instance. He once mentioned that the last girl he dated turned out to be clingy and wanting to talk to him all the time. So, I've been trying not to text him often, but I slip up--a lot. I just can't quit being me. And it's not like they're obnoxious, girly, lame texts. I usually just send random thoughts about something that happened during the day. They do happen a couple times a day, though, so I hope he can handle that.

I'm trying very hard to not let my fears be the thing that screws this up. But that just adds to my worry list. So now, I worry that I'm worrying too much to live in the present and appreciate that someone might actually be genuinely interested in me. I just can't win...

Lower points...

I'm feeling a little quieter tonight than usual--it's been an interesting weekend, to say the least.

Out on the town...

Last night was Lacey's bachelorette party here in SF. It was a blasty-blast. A dozen girls I haven't had time to see in months got together at the bride's townhouse and then jumped aboard a party bus for a bar tour.

I'll be honest--I had been dreading that party for some time. I love those girls to death, but I've been so tired and stressed financially (thanks to that Taurus) and simply didn't want one more thing I had to be at. But I'm glad I was. I suppose I can sleep when I'm dead.

Back in action...?

The job situation is also looking pretty hairy. I love the one I'm at now, but it's just a temporary thing. My old station lifted its hiring freeze on Wednesday and has two openings--one full and one part-time.

Surprisingly, the position closes this week and my old boss didn't even bother to tell me about it. Fortunately, a friend in the business had the foresight to email me when the postings hit the broadcaster association's website.

I quickly put together an application packet Thursday night; by the time Friday morning rolled around, I just needed to finalize my references. That meant I had to ask the guys at work to vouch for me, and to let them know I might be leaving sooner than planned.

Thankfully, they were flattered that I wanted to use them as references and even kicked me out of the office that morning so I could apply sooner rather than later. Those two are the things I'll miss most about that job, whenever it is I get to leave.

The fact that the news director didn't let me know about the openings makes me nervous. Such a short opening means the company already knows who they want, but I have a terrible feeling that person isn't me.

I've got the blues...

Maybe it's the tired, but it's the fact that for some reason it seems like all my well-intentioned plans are falling through--regardless, I'm feeling blue tonight. The dating thing still isn't looking any better. Earlier this week, I had a few prospects, but they seemed to have lost interest. Already. Story of my life.

Something has to work eventually, but in the meantime, I'm feeling pretty lonely and like a failure. My career is something I've prided myself on for awhile now, and it's hanging out in some low places. I thought that I might feel better if I improved other parts of my life--like the romance side--but now I'm just feeling worse than I was before.

Midnight Musings

One of the great writers in recorded history, who shall remain nameless due to my selective memory, once said he had his greatest moments of creative clarity in the middle of the night. I hope another old saying about great minds thinking alike is true in this case.

It's nearly 1 a.m. on a clear Sunday morning. I'm sitting out on my balcony, drinking alone and thinking about the events my life has produced for me this week. I'll be honest, with each new day this past work week, both the very good and the very bad have come into being.

Day 1...

Wednesday was the start of this streak of extremes. My morning consisted entirely of walking around Downtown Sioux Falls because our office was in the dark. Apparently a transformer on the block had blown, so everyone connected to it lost power for about four hours.

After work ended at 5 p.m., I drove to Madison to have dinner with Alison for the first time in six months. Al is one of my best friends, arguably my closest ally in the world of media, and she spent our last semester in India. The evening was wonderful--aside from the struggle to remember everything the other had missed, you wouldn't ever have known we had been in separate hemispheres for half a year.

My midnight arrival home shifted my mood an entire 180 degrees. All it took was a simple text from my 18-year-old sister announcing her engagement to her boyfriend. The two words, sent in such an impersonal fashion, had the ability to keep me up for hours, just thinking about how much harder her life would be than it should have been. Did I mention that they're moving to Idaho next month?

Day 2...

For the most part, Thursday was much better than Wednesday. Work was fun, and powered fully, and I made my amazing stir fry for dinner. Caiti and I had our weekly date night at a local Irish bar, but this relaxing evening also took a dramatic turn for the worse.

Our friend Sara's grandmother had to be airlifted to a hospital in town because of respiratory failure. We spent a couple hours with her and her family, just waiting in the ICU. Her grandmother died late in the night.

Day 3...

Friday ... finally. I wasn't sure what else could happen to me, but I couldn't shake the feeling that more was yet to come. I stayed at my desk most of the day editing photos, too scared that I would get into a car accident or take part in some other potentially fatal disaster.

Nothing really happened that day directly to me, but we did find out that the caterer Julie had hired for her wedding was very wrong in her quoted price for the wedding, and one of the ushers had gotten a job on the East Coast and couldn't be part of their celebration anymore.

That is, nothing bad happened to me until Friday evening. For some reason, I sort of asked out a friend, although I didn't realize what I was doing until it was too late. Then, when I did figure out what I had done, I freaked. My girlfriends know I've had a bit of a crush on this guy for a long time, but I really had no intentions of acting on my feelings, at least not consciously. Long story short, he said no, but it was a vague no, saying he hated the actor in the movie I suggested.

Day 4...

I thought the whole movie thing was the end of my string of bad luck, the straw that broke the camel's back, so to speak. I really am getting tired of being wrong.

There are absolute good things to today, but they come attached to the bad. For example, I got a haircut for the first time since the end of March, but on the way home the oil pan in my Taurus blew, earning me a $500 car bill. It all started with my transmission; I am understandably nervous when my transmission does anything out of the ordinary, considering it's been rebuilt three times. On my way to the hair appointment, it slipped, out of drive into neutral. I jiggled the stick a bit, got it back into gear, and immediately called my dad to see if the warranty on the last rebuild had expired. It had, and he told me to go to a shop ASAP. If it weren't for my worry about that little problem, I would never have gotten the Tortoise to a shop before all the oil drained.

Just sure that my bad luck had reached a pinnacle, I suggested a different movie to this boy, knowing exactly what I was doing this time. I had been rejected once, and I needed to try and redeem myself. Apparently he had already a promised to see it with a mutual friend. All great excuses masking a deeper desire to not go with me. I do have to admit, he did well with sparing my feelings in a casual way. Whatever, I tried, and I still went to the movie anyway, with Caiti as a companion instead.

Making strides...

It is an understatement to say that my recent attempts to jump back into the dating world have been unsuccessful. However, the fact is that this week I made more of an effort to date than I have in the past year and a half. I am trying, no one can deny me that much. As much as it sucks to get shot down, I have to make myself keep trying. I have to remind myself that things in this world that are the most worth having require the most work. So, okay--I'm not supposed to date this boy or either of the firefighters I met. At some point, one of these boys I want will be the one I'm supposed to have. Until then, I just have to keep a positive attitude and know that eventually, my luck will improve--it has to.

It's July Already?

I used to be so much better about keeping this thing current ... my apologies. Lots of things keep me away, but not as many as I'd like to use as an excuse, but I digress...

What do I do?

I like this job a lot. Things on my schedule have started to pick up considerably, and the guys keep taking me along on the really cool assignments. For example, a couple weeks ago I got paid to spend an afternoon canoeing down the Big Sioux taking photos for the city's archives. Next week I may or may not get to climb to the top of a 24-story water tower with one of the two producers. It sounds like my fear of heights and whether or not it gets the best of me will be the deciding factor.

I'm still somewhat bored, though. As much as I enjoy what I do and the really relaxed pace, I ache for the insanity of a newsroom, the pressure of an immediate deadline. I miss getting to edit video, to put a whole story together from start to finish.

I do like that this summer has really given me the opportunity to sharpen both my photography and videography skills. I've received lots and lots of complements on my still photos, which is definitely encouraging considering my very minimal experience with professional photography. I've gotten to try a lot of new angles with the video camera, too. Occasionally I go too far. I spent one morning filming kids playing in McKennan Park. I took the camera down a slide, an idea that worked well. I attempted to translate the same idea to the swings; all I accomplished was to create a surefire way to make myself nauseous.

We're HOW far into summer?

I'm having a hard time wrapping my mind around the absence of June. Where the hell did that month go? Writing a new rent check was a sad slap in the face from reality. I waste a lot of time working or pseudo-unpacking. I'm sooooo close to being done, just not quite close enough. There are still a few boxes in my room, my PC is in a tote in the coat closet, and I have junk scattered everywhere in my quarters. I'll get to it--that's part of this weekend's project.

I have yet to use the pool at the apartment complex. The one weekend I had time (and plans) to go for a dip, it rained and rained and rained. Swimming is also part of the plan for this weekend. The Farmer's Market is also part of Saturday morning's plans, although we'll see if I get up early enough for some fresh produce. There are about a million other things I'd like to do this weekend, like visit KDLT, but those are even less likely to happen.

I did WHAT again?

Oh, how even I have to shake my head at this one. I can't count how many times I've sworn I would never be set up on again, how often I've told myself that I wouldn't let myself get into such an awkward again. I can't even keep a promise to myself.

The worst part is, I actually asked to be set up this time. Of course, if I'm requesting an evening of uncomfortable silences and standard chit chat, I'm not going alone. I dragged Caiti along.

One of the producers happens to create a show about the city's fire department each month, usually making a major fire the central focus. Well, there haven't even been any moderate fires in months, so he's been struggling to find a theme for each show. I suggested that the next show should have a game show format, with me dating all the single firefighters. He said no, but offered to set me up with one instead. I jumped at the chance, so long as he found one for Caits too.

After about a week of random, but positive feedback from a group of single civil servants, we met up with a couple of them last week. We had fun--they were very nice, friendly young men, but sadly, no information was exchanged, so it's highly unlikely we'll meet up with them again. At least not intentionally. I guess no one felt a connection, and it's probably better that no one tried to force the issue.

At the very least, we did meet some new people and put ourselves out there (or, I put ourselves out there, however you want to look at things). And I survived a set up without wanting to strangle the person who conducted the whole orchestration. I'm progressing both as a person and as a single white female. However, I would like to go out on at least one real date soon. I have no idea where this idea came from, but apparently it's not going to go away until I fulfill my heart's apparent desire. If only I remembered where to pick up decent guys and what to do with them once I've got them hooked. I haven't flirted intentionally in about as long since I actually went fishing.

Time Flies...

Hard to believe I haven't written in three weeks. I guess I just didn't have it in me to top the last entry. I still don't have it in me, but I've given up hope for my muse to inspire me further.

New job...

The new gig isn't so new anymore, I guess. Today marked the start of my third week, and things are finally starting to pick up. The first week was slow--I was only supposed to follow around the two producers (I mark the third employee at this television station) and brainstorm ideas for my own five minute segment.

Last week rained ... a lot. And we don't take the cameras out in the rain. I got a couple shoots in eventually, but I was able to find time to memorize the manual for my Canon Rebel as well as send a lot of text messages to anyone who would respond.

This week looks like it will be interesting. I spent two hours this afternoon filming the US Youth Soccer Midwest Regional Tournament. Tomorrow I'll spend my morning filming local road construction for some show about public works. Wednesday I'll spend most of the afternoon in a canoe on the Big Sioux--still not quite sure what I'll be doing on that assignment.

It's almost too bad that this is just a temporary position--almost. The whole process is super slow. What I used to do in a day in news isn't due for two or three weeks at this station. And I'm not the happiest camper about being part of government-funded media.

Living life...

I'm thisclose to being done unpacking. The move went well--I absolutely love the new crib. We've done a great job of making this place our own. Soon enough the rest of the furniture will be delivered and we'll be all set.

I've connected with my local friends. We've gone out for drinks or dinner or lunch and everyone knows I have arrived (so to speak). I do feel like something is missing. This will sound very hypocritical after my last entry, but I think I want to date. Something hit me tonight--I'm not sure why, but part of me is convinced a real date would be great fun. New city, new start, right?

The "D" Word

It's time for a little discussion about the "D" word--dating--and why I don't do it.  Listen up.  You may never get so many answers again.

Excuse #1

I am a very, very busy young woman.  I am career oriented and find that gentleman and jerks alike are absolute distractions.  In lieu of awkward dinners at Applebee's and money wasted on Friday night flicks, I chose to spend my college years creating a fantastic resume.  

Two years were devoted to writing, and eventually editing, The Collegian, my college's independent student-run newspaper.  My time in the Union's dungeon has proved to been a valuable investment.  I was able to earn an internship with the NBC affiliate in Sioux Falls, KDLT-TV, which turned into a four and a half month stint as a part-time reporter during my senior year of college.  

Those unusual experiences made me an asset to the South Dakota Senate in January.  I landed a coveted position, working for the Senate Minority Leader.  So far, this position hasn't led to further employment, but I did gain important insight into the political realm that I'll be able to use when I get back into journalism.

My time as a reporter has also earned me professional accolades.  As editor-in-chief at The Collegian, I was awarded First Place in Breaking News as well as Third Place in Non-Daily Newspapers at the Society of Professional Journalists regional Mark of Excellence Awards.  Just a few weeks ago, I found out I won First Place in Video News/Sports and both First Place and Honorable Mention in Video Feature in the AP's Student Journalism contest in the Dakotas.  

Sadly, all my work has not yet paid off in the immediate, but I blame the economy.  Getting a job anywhere is tough, but journalism is tougher.  The Internet, while I love it, has put the industry in a pickle.  Soon, though, the future of media will become a little less hazy, and I'll get back into what I love to do.

I don't think I would be as poised for success if I had to worry about my boyfriend.  My time was free to focus on me, and I'll never regret using this time in my life to be selfish.

Excuse #2

I am tired.  Keeping a high GPA whilst completing all those things I listed above was an energy suck.  On top of that, I had an amazing group of talented, successful women in my inner-circle, and I wanted to surround myself with them as much as possible.

I still have those women in my life, and I credit by boyfriendless status for that blessing.  I once heard the comment "I didn't go to college to find a husband.  I went to find my bridesmaids."  I couldn't agree more.  I graduated without a ring on my finger or the prospect of a proposal, but I have a solid support group for when those days--as well as less happy ones--arrive.

Now that school is in my past, I anticipate having more energy for dating ... eventually.  Right now, I'm working two jobs in a brand new city.  I will need some time to adjust, but eventually, I'll be ready to give it a whirl.  However, it could be awhile until I decide I want more than a free dinner on Friday night.  I'm still very, very young--I have yet to sow my wild oats.

Excuse #3

I can sum up a lot of my hesitation to date in two words:  bad experiences.  During the little bit of time I tried dating, I learned a very important lesson.  I make poor character decisions.  

The men-like creatures I did go out with turned out to be low quality people, let alone boyfriends.  I settled for less than what I deserved and learned that I don't want to do that again.  I had a few first dates with some nice boys, but I felt no spark and with some, I quite honestly felt sorry for their lack of social skills.  It was clear we were both very uncomfortable, but for different reasons.  So, I haven't dated since.   

Call it fear, call it thoughtfulness--I don't care.  It's probably a little of both.  Regardless, I want to take some time to get to know a man, his goals, his past, his present, and his view on life before I consider falling for him.  I want to make sure I end up with someone I consider to be my intellectual, physical, and moral equal--and someone who sees me in the same light.

Respect for me and women in general will be huge, and his ability to keep an open mind will be a major factor in my decisions.  I don't care what kind of atmosphere he grew up in--social ignorance is unacceptable.  

Excuse #4

All of us worry about the future--money--or lack there of, love, lust, confidence, success, and so on.  I worry about all of those things, but when it comes to dating, I worry about maintenance.

I have seen so many relationships in my life fizzle for the simple reason that one or both people quit trying.  They took the love they had for granted, and lost.

When I finally fall in love, I want the wild, crazy passion you see in movies.  I believe that kind of love does exist, and I will find it.  I want to wake up every morning feeling completely, utterly blessed in my good fortune and the mate God created for me.  

I want to be sure we are both ready for what life has in store, and that we're ready to ride out the bumps together.  I'm looking for a man who is self confident, but not cocky.  I want a man who is successful independently, isn't afraid of my success, and who believes we are better together than apart.  

I want someone who won't hold either of us back.  He has to have dreams, and he has to be willing to let both of us be the best individual we can be.  Only then can we be the best team.

The Bottom Line

Quit asking me about my love life.  I'll let you know what is going on when I am ready to, or at the least, when there is something to report.  For now, I'm enjoying a loving, selfish relationship with myself and I don't anticipate that changing in the immediate future.     

Summer Fun

Oh, how I love crazy summer nights.  It's not even June and we've scratched the first camping trip off of the list.  Granted, it was a pretty spontaneous thing, but it was official summer fun nonetheless.

RibFest...

RibFest kicked off in Sioux Falls on Thursday night, and the event's big draw has hit The Lob hard.  I don't think I've ever seen a Friday night so slow.  Luckily, that meant I got cut early, so I invited the tribunal down for the Kory and the Fireflies concert.  Most of the members didn't want to worry about driving back to Brookings after the show, so they got a camping spot in Sioux Falls.

It was literally in the heart of industrial Sioux Falls.  But, when we got there, we realized we were in a very shady part of town, and all the spots were concrete--perfect for campers, horrible for tents.  In light of our discovery, the tribunal decided we were switching locations, and we ended up at Jellystone Park, just off of I-90.  

The concert was fun, but very short.  The band didn't start playing until 9:30 and were off the stage by 10:45, and everything else shut down around 11.  I suppose it's nice for the people who live near the Arena, but it seemed so strange that an outdoor festival would close up shop so early.  

Bonding time...

Camping was also a blasty-blast.  Four of us fit snugly into a four-person tent in the middle of a family-centric campground based on the adventures of Yogi Bear.  Beer and good laughs will forever be a summer staple.  The night was chilly, but the bugs weren't out.  

Sadly, no matter how much alcohol is flowing through my veins, my body refuses to sleep on the ground.  Today I am working a split shift, functioning on very little sleep or hydration.  I may have learned my lesson about being hungover at work, for the time being at least.

Plans change...

As with almost every plan I've come up with during the past few months, my moving plans are changing as well.  While I did request Saturday off from The Lob so I could move my junk to the city, I was not given any day on the weekend off.  I'd never accuse him of it, but I wonder if my boss scheduled Thursday as my day off as a form of punishment for taking another job.

So, now I'm moving on Thursday.  I won't have Julie or Mike to help, but I may have wrangled up other assistants, at least for the unloading part, anyway.  Two male friends from The Lob have offered their ability to lift heavy things that afternoon/evening.  Now the only question is how to load the damn furniture into the truck.  I'll figure that one out, though, even if I have to rent a furniture dolly from Ace.

Blessings...

I feel very blessed to have so many offers of help from so many people.  When it was going to be next weekend, I had both friends and family offering their assistance.  Even now, with the very sudden and somewhat unwelcome change of plans, new friends, who really didn't need to feel obligated to even offer me help, volunteered their services without even a hint of plea in my voice.   

I am very excited about starting a new life in Sioux Falls.  I suppose it's not completely new since I have been working here in a variety of positions since last June, but it will be nice to partake in more social activities.  I'm really looking forward to getting to know my friends and coworkers in the city much better and to making new memories with them.  

  

Big Changes

As my life in Brookings slowly winds down, I barely have time to appreciate the years I've spent here.  Packing for next week's big move, commuting back and forth to work, and preparing to start a second job have my thoughts too far gone to really reflect on the past four years.

Pack, tape, label...

Boxes of all shapes and sizes, filled with all the junk I own, fill up the fourth bedroom of my Brookings apartment.  Granted, a few of them aren't mine, but most of them are.  I'm trying to get through this move as cheaply as possible, so I've been working on collecting boxes wherever I can find them.  Two of the stacks are made up of Topsy Turvy boxes Dad saved for me at Ace, while another two stacks are Rubbermaid totes I either got for my high school graduation or purchased for the big move to Brookings long ago.  

Sadly, I filled up all the totes and free boxes last week.  I went to about six different stores yesterday on my day off looking for more free boxes, but anything available had been soaked in the previous night's inch and a half of rain.  The Ace in Brookings told me to come back tomorrow, freight day, and they would have plenty for me.  Hopefully I can get some more of those Topsy Turvy boxes--they worked perfectly.

I wasn't quite ready to give up on using my valuable free time for packing yesterday, so I broke down and bought a few at the UPS Store.  Luckily, all the moving boxes were 50% off as part of a fundraiser for Relay for Life, so I don't feel too guilty swiping my card for cardboard.

Renting my first U-Haul...

The plan is to rent a U-Haul trailer next Saturday and have Mike pull it behind his pickup.  All I really need it for is the furniture, but I have a lot of furniture, so my need is dire.  Our lease actually starts on Monday, so when I drive down to Sioux Falls for work, I plan to take a car load of packed boxes with me.  I figure I shouldn't waste a trip down.  

I really want to get all of my furniture (my bed, desk, tables, book shelf, couch, etc.) to the big city in one trip so we don't have to pay an arm and a leg for gas in the pickup.  I also want to get it all done in one trip so we don't have to waste the entire day loading and driving.  I would really like to have Julie and Mike there to help get all the furniture settled and to help unpack a few things.  There's no need to make this day more stressful than it already will be.

Baby steps back into broadcasting...

I just found out yesterday that I got the summer internship with the City of Sioux Fall's television station, provided I pass a drug test.  This is a full-time broadcasting job through the end of August, so I don't have to worry about losing my photographer's touch for the next few months, nor do I have to worry about not paying the bills.

I plan to stay on part-time at The Lob.  I really do enjoy the job itself and most of the people I get to work with (minus Tony), plus I get my health and vision insurance through the company.  They've put a lot of time into training me, so I don't think they'll have a problem keeping me on board, even if I'm not there as much as they would like.  

It would be nice to keep The Lob as a fall back job.  What if I finish the internship in August and no one in town has any reporter or photographer openings?  At least I wouldn't be starting over at square one; I would only have to find a second job to bring in the money.

I still need to tell my boss about the internship.  I had warned him a few weeks ago that I had applied, and then that I had interviewed.  He seemed disappointed, but made it clear that he wants to try and keep me on for a few shifts.  The new job starts June 8 (a Monday), so that shouldn't put too much pressure on his schedule yet, either.  He'll still have me full-time next week, and then I'll be cut back.  

I'm hoping to work two closing shifts each week (preferably Monday and Wednesday) as well as every other Sunday lunch shift.  I still want to be able to have a somewhat normal schedule, complete with an adequate amount of time off.  

 

Now I'm a Big Girl

Commencement...

Well, commencement has come and gone.  I successfully walked across the big stage in Frost Arena without tripping, received my diploma holder, and wished good friends farewell.  And now, after completing all those difficult steps, I am officially a grown-up--a grown-up who wishes she wasn't. 

My family made it to town late Friday night, so I didn't get a whole lot of Tessa-time in that night, but I got to have almost all of the next day.  Mike and I went downtown both Friday and Saturday night, and we even got my parents to come hang out with the "babies" Saturday night.  Of course, I had to tell them it was okay because the Lt. Governor was there, but the important part is that they came.  We didn't get Mom to the Lantern Lounge, but I suppose that's okay.  She probably doesn't need to see the slums.

...and cakes.

Tessa's 4th birthday was Saturday, so the poor girl had to spend most of her morning watching 500 people (out of 1500 graduates) receive their diploma holders (we'll get the actual diplomas at the end of July).  We had lunch at Cubby's downtown, and then went to my cousin AJ's house for his reception.  After naps the party began, complete with pink cake, balloons, and pizza.  

As you can see in the pictures below, Mike and Julie, Barbara, and I all pitched in and got Tessa her very own Barbie Jeep.  It's actually a used one we found at a garage sale in Sioux Falls.  It used to be white, but we didn't like the faded stickers, so we repainted it, giving her a custom paint job.  Pimp my ride, right?

She loved it, although she doesn't quite understand the concept of steering.  Also, she's not allowed to dive it on the "high" setting yet--she almost took out a real car.  The poor girl did have to spend this week without her new wheels; it wouldn't fit in Mom and Dad's car, so Julie and Mike are bringing it home on Friday when they come home for Barbara's high school graduation.

Current situation...

For the time being, I'm still at Red Lobster.  My boss told me this morning that I have the highest guest ratings of all the hosts.  I felt like that might be a good time to warn him I put in an application for a reporting internship with the city, but that I still wanted to work a few shifts each week.  He wasn't thrilled about the prospect of losing me for a few shifts, but he seemed excited about me getting back into television.  

Oh, irony.

So, as I sat down for lunch today at the Empire, I couldn't help but feel a little sad for myself, not finding my job yet.  Then I got an email from my former boss, telling me I had won several awards at the AP student competition.  I'm an award winning journalist, but I'm still unemployed (at least in the field, anyway).  Lame.  

I know things have to pick up, and these will be fantastic to add to my resume, but I just want things to be okay now.  Right now.  I don't like having to be patient any more than I like having to be a grown-up.  

 

Commencement and Cakes

A few snapshots from Tessa's birthday and my graduation.

So tired...

Things are going pretty well.  I'm between shifts at The Lob right now, so I thought I'd make the best of my downtime in Sioux Falls.  Actually, I would much rather be taking a nap right now, but that won't be an option until I move here in June.  

I've been dead tired all day--thank goodness business was really slow at lunch.  I probably shouldn't have spent all of Saturday night in Clear Lake (after working a split shift in SF), but I just couldn't say "no" to fun on my last weekend as a college student.

Playing up north...  

A few of us went up to the bowling alley/hotel/restaurant/bar in Clear Lake for an evening of small town fun and karaoke.  My future brother-in-law works up there and stays in a company house, so we knew we had a place to sleep.  The bar itself was lots of fun, but no singing this trip.  We were even able to convince a local that Mike knows to come road trip with us after last call.

I do realize "road tripping" and/or "booze cruising" are very foolish late night activities, but our driver hadn't had much to drink and the rest of us were in no state for making smart decisions.  Besides, it's South Dakota's past time.

The last project...  

Needless to say, I got very little sleep Saturday night when we finally got back to the house, and we woke up early Sunday morning to drive back home to sleep in our own beds.  I couldn't sleep, so I got back out of bed and finished the final paper of my undergraduate career.  Graduate school is definitely in the future, just not right now. 

I will admit that it's very weird not taking a single final during finals week.  All my friends are studying and enjoying the downtime between tests--I'm just working.  This is a pretty normal week for me.  I do get Friday-Sunday off for my graduation, and then it's right back to the Lob for a few more days before Barbara's high school graduation. 

I'm still having some trouble accepting that this is my last week as a student.  I'm still waiting for the realization to hit me that I won't ever get to have this time in my life again.  Friday afternoon is my reception and then Saturday morning is the culmination of the past four years.  I know all of this, yet I'm still feeling pretty numb. 

Sharing big days....

Saturday is the big day--I get to walk across a big stage in Frost Arena wearing a silly black hat and robe adorned with blue and white and gold cords.  But it's not just my day.  Tessa turns four the same day.

Julie and I are pretty pumped about getting to host her birthday party in Brookings.  We're going to decorate Julie's apartment with balloons and streamers in her favorite colors (whatever they might be this week; last we knew it was yellow).  I'm baking her cake on Friday afternoon--this should be an adventure. 

Coming to fruition...

More than anything, we're excited to give her her birthday present.  The three of us sisters and Mike all pitched in and we got her a used Power Wheels Barbie Jeep.  It was pretty faded and dirty, so Julie and Mike cleaned it up and spray painted it pink and purple.  Last night I sat down with my acrylics and customized the paint job with the new Barbie logo and a few flowers.  

We have been planning on doing this since before she was born.  Half of the fun comes from knowing that Tessa will have another big toy to annoy Mom with.  The other half comes from wonderful memories--Julie, Barbara, and I had two Barbie convertibles to share when we were growing up.  

Finding the Jeep was tough.  I spend a month placing bids on Ebay, only to lose to people with bigger budgets than ours.  We were getting desperate, and at one point I suggested we get her a sparkly Disney Princess bicycle instead of a car.  But then we realized that she really hates riding her tricycle.  What kind of kid doesn't want to ride a bike?   

Transitions

Today is my fourth shift at my new job--host at Red Lobster.  I realize that the restaurant business is a far cry from news, but so far this seems like a good way to get through the television job slump.  

Not feeling so hot...

My self-confidence has taken a hit, I'll admit.  I'm really having a difficult time feeling good about myself and my abilities.  I've spent the past three years as either a news reporter or editor, and it seems like all that work has been for nothing.  

I would've liked to have had jobs that paid better than minimum wage; I would've liked having more time to finish homework; I would've liked having more free time for naps and a social life.  I think I would even have liked dating. 

I didn't let myself get distracted, though; I stayed focused so I would have the best possible resume when graduation rolled around.  Well, graduation is two short weeks away, and I am no better off than the student who slacked off, spent mom and dad's money, and lived to binge drink.    

Not all my fault...

I certainly picked a poor time in history to enter the workforce.  I realize there really aren't any jobs for anyone, so just having employment is a sort of feat.  That doesn't stop me from feeling envious of those reporters who did find jobs.  I thought I was pretty good at this, but it certainly doesn't appear that way anymore.

Not so bad...

I do like my new job.  The pay is about what I expected to make in news, although not quite 40 hours a week, and the benefits are great.  I'm still looking for a part time job.  I figure if I can't have my dream job, I might as well make as much money as possible until I get there.  It certainly won't hurt to have some cash stockpiled.

Not quite done...

I'm still working on my last two papers, but those are officially all I have left of my undergraduate career.  The research paper about South Dakota's smoking ban is due one week from today, so I'll be spending all my down time on that this week.  The analysis of my internship in Pierre is due a week from Friday, the day before graduation.  I still have to do my reading for that one, but it shouldn't take too long.  I don't have to research, I just have to talk about my own experiences.  

Not doing well...

Working out has kind of stopped.  Since I started on Thursday, my feet have hurt too much to get onto a treadmill.  I don't think I'll be here too late tonight; business has been kind of slow, so I bet I get to hit the road for Brookings around 7 or 8.  I'm going to try and run (probably inside, it's chilly) a couple miles tonight. and then I need to get the brownies I'm making for the Collegian baked.  

Tomorrow night is a free concert on campus--Augustana.  I made sure to get my ticket right away, and now I just have to hope I get cut in time to get back for the show.  My night shift starts at 4, so I'll be one of the first to go home.  

I have a lot more I'd like to talk about, but in the interest of actually graduating, I'll hold back.  Time to work on that paper!

Oh, it starts...

Tonight is my last night of unemployment.  Okay, okay--it's not really unemployment if you're still in school, but I've certainly been acting like a bum.  As of 2 p.m. tomorrow, I'll be sitting in Red Lobster New Employee Orientation.  Not exactly my dream job, but it's full time hours and full benefits. 

Hospitality? 

I hope I like it--God only knows how long I'll be doing it--but I don't want to love it.  I still want to have the hunger, the need to get back into journalism.  I am actually a little nervous.  It's been a long time since I worked outside the media or government.  I kind of forgot what it's like to have a normal job.  

I'm still waiting to hear back from the part time job I applied for, as well.  I figure if I can't have my dream job, I might as well work my butt off and make some extra money.  All the better to pay off those student loans with.  Or rebuild my savings account.  Or .. have a little more fun in my free time.  Who knows--I just think I'd feel a lot more comfortable with a financial cushion.

Oh, procrastination... 

With all this free time, one would think I would have already finished my final papers.  But, if one believes that, one does not know me.  I have everything done for Model United Nations--three of my last 14 credit hours--but, I have a long ways to go to be completely done.  I have the outline, thesis, intro, and conclusion written for my 10-12 page research paper for Legislative Issues (another three credits).  I need to hurry with this one--it's due May 2.  

The last paper on my list is a 16-24 page paper analyzing my internship experience with the state legislature.  I still need to do the required reading (which actually should have been done back in December) and then compare my experiences in Pierre with the structure explained in the reading.  It sounds like a lot of work, but it doesn't have to be a masterpiece; the last eight credits are just pass or fail.  As long as I turn it in, I pass.  It's due on May 8, I believe, but I'd rather turn it in on May 2 with the other paper. 

The final finals... 

Journalism doesn't require an exit exam--our required internships play double duty as far as the Board of Regents are concerned.  Political science, however, does, and they gave it while I was in Pierre.  I jokingly asked my advisor about it at MUN this weekend, and I was surprised to find out I still have to take it.  I went in to schedule this test with the department secretary yesterday, and they made me sit down and take the 2 1/2 hour test right then.  Two bubble tests, two essay questions, and a survey--ick.  Having skipped lunch, I was easily irritable.  So, when I got the second essay question and no answers sprang to mind, I skipped it, moved onto the survey, and then proceeded to turn it in.  There is no required passing score, so I felt no compulsion to finish the stupid question.  My professor, however, did feel some compulsion, and he made me come back in this afternoon to answer one dumb question.  So much for being a BAMF in the end.

Off of the bandwagon...

I haven't been so good at working out lately.  Eating healthy, yes; getting to the gym, no.  Ever since I came back to Brookings after Easter break, I have had no motivation.  I've been much more focused on the job situation and the homework fiasco.  I don't anticipate going tomorrow, but hopefully Friday.  It all kind of depends on what days Red Lobster schedules me for.  I can feel all my hard work undoing it self, and I know I need to fix it.  I don't want to look like such a chubs at graduation--and that would be hard to do; those robes are huge.  

Progress

It seems a personal appearance is hard to reject.  Over the course of the past few weeks, I probably sent out at least 30 job applications and only heard back from one employer, and that was a rejection letter.  

Last Wednesday, I stopped at four different places in Sioux Falls.  I have interviews with two places on Wednesday and am supposed to get phone calls to schedule interviews with the other two.  Maybe I'm much more impressive in person, maybe these employers are all too chicken to say no to my face.  Either way, I was much more difficult to ignore.

Not quite plan A...

Sadly, none of these potential jobs are in broadcasting.  I'm still waiting to hear back from the radio station, so I guess it's still a possibility.  My interviews are all in the restaurant business.  At this point, I'll be happy just to have a job, but it is very frustrating to know that I'll have worked my butt off for four years to be a professional waitress or hostess. 

Bright spots...

Wednesday was a very busy day.  I drove around Sioux Falls for most of the afternoon in search of employment, but it wasn't all work.  I got to spend an hour or so at Starbucks with my old roommate Tori and her boyfriend Billy.  They live in Kansas now, so getting to spend time together is a rare treat.  I'm hoping to get some time off this summer to go down south to visit them, but we'll see if I can get that accomplished.  I may just have too many weddings to deal with.

I also made a stop in to the old station to turn my key in and visit friends.  There still aren't any job openings there, but it sounds like they're fighting to get me back.  The boss told me to keep my key for awhile, and I made sure to tell them that I signed a lease and will be in Sioux Falls at least until the next June.

Legally bound to SD...

That's right--I signed a lease.  I just might be an idiot, but if I can't get the job that I really want, I might as well live where I choose.  We got this beautiful luxury apartment that is actually in my price range.  Indoor and outdoor pools, movie theater, gym--the works.  We also have a big deck--my main requirement.  We get to keep our grill, and what's really great is my dad found us beautiful (but slightly damaged...) patio furniture for free.  

Less than four weeks...

Graduation is approaching all too fast.  I turned in all the required paperwork and have my cap and gown hung up in my room.  I have an exit interview for my loans tomorrow, and then it's Model UN weekend in Mankato.  After next weekend, I just have my final papers and journal to write and then I really, truly am finished.  

I'm still not sure how I feel about it.  I love that I won't be racking up any more student loans, but I hate that there are no job openings in my field.  I feel like I'm going to be living in a career-limbo, and I really have no realistic timeline for when I get out.  It's all just a waiting game.

On the bright side, Alison comes home about a week after graduation.  She's been in India since January and I'm itching to have her home.  

Easter Egg Hunt

Here's the 2009 Mann Family Easter Egg Hunt.  Tessa decided to turn it into competitive sport, pitting two teams against each other--Tessa, Julie, Mike, and me vs. Mom, Dad, Barbara, and Marty (the cat ... who isn't allowed in the house anymore).  Fair fight or not?  You be the judge. 

Intern Bowling Night

Here's a brief glimpse into the joy that was Intern Bowling Night during the legislative session.  Enjoy!

Another Monday

I am getting very, very tired of filling out job applications.  Yesterday, I printed out 15 more resumes, filled out four online applications today, and plan to go to Sioux Falls on Wednesday to apply for nine that require a personal appearance.  One of these days, I'll get some answers.  I hope.

Is it Monday?

My days are starting to run together at this point.  Nearly all involve nothing but the job hunt.  I am apparently not a good hunter.  I should really crack down on the little bit of homework I have left in my academic career.  There are still two papers (one research) that need to be turned in, and Model UN is in two weeks.  

Not sweating as much as previously thought

My workouts are still going well.  I've never stuck with a program for this long, so I'm very pleased about that.  But, at this point, I'm not sure if anything is actually working.  The number on the scale isn't really getting any lower, which isn't surprising because I've been lifting weights and muscle weighs more than fat.  

Even knowing that, the static number is rather disheartening.  My clothes do fit better, but not much.  And to top it all off, I just used a body fat calculator online, and I fall into the "accepted category", a whole 3 percent short of being considered "in shape".  

Sad day--never in a million years did I think I had let myself go that much.  I've been far too busy for a consistent work out program over the past four years, but I hadn't realized I was eating so poorly all that time.  Luckily, part of my workout program has been changing my eating habits, so hopefully I can stick with this.  I really would like to see more results--soon.